year end..

I finally got my year end letters out for support. (shameless plug: http://freepdfhosting.com/9d473a7691.pdf ) and if i can just say, its scary stuff to be sitting in my room able to do nothing but pray. i literally have to leave everything in the hands of the Lord and trust that he's going to supply for my needs. i mean, i've raised support before, but this time its different, i'm a career missionary! oh my word i really can't explain how that feels. I'm reading a very well timed book right now called God's smuggler. its the autobiography of brother andrew. he was a missionary behind the iron curtian and his stories are incredible! it has been so good for my soul to read about God providing for him time and time again in the most random ways!

i was struck by worship on sunday morning, Jennie (whom i love) was leading alongside our worship director DJ and they sang the song Hosanna by Hillsong. if you have not heard this song, look it up, listen to it. its amazing. anyway, one verse of the song says "i see a generation, rising up to take their place" and when i sang that line i thought of brother andrew. i thought i am the generation, rising up to take the place of men like this. wow.

those are my thoughts.

I hope you have a GREAT Christmas wherever you are. take some time to remember why Christ is in Christmas, not just that he is. Rom 5:1-11.

Times they are-a-changing...

Something that hasn't changed over the last several months is the verse Gen 22:14 ...on the Mountain of the LORD it will be provided. Funny how the Lord takes our feet and directs our steps from one stone to the next, but the fact remains constant. HE alone provides everything. He provides financially, socially, emotionally, spiritually and everyother way I could need possibly him to. A few highlights of the change in my life:

- My Little sister is married to Devin Deich who i love as well. yes, i did cry. yes i was in full on makeup and a great dress and yes i looked fantastic.

- I went on vacation to Guatemala for a week of disconnect from the world as I know it (thanks again Mel, it was AMAZING)

- I am now a missionary. As of October 6,2008 I am on staff with Reign Ministries, the parent ministry of Royal Servants and I will be raising support until Ihave 100% of my needs commited and then I'll be moving to MN.

- My job on the Geek Squad has cut back my hours some (unfortunatly)

- We're studying the book of Hosea at the UNDERGROUND

- I've only visited Chicago ONCE in the last six months or so (killin me smalls!)

- I'm working on an addiction to 24. As in, gaining the addiction not kicking it.

- Exploring a new found love for cats and trying to figure out how i can get one and to have one survive in a house of cat haters. (could be impossible. only time will tell)

From now on I'm going to be using this blog as a source of updates and information as I begin my next new journey, my life as a missionary. All of my support information, many of my random thoughts, exciting God stories, and more. so tune in.

Debriefing!

we´re in debriefing now just outside of san jose. the camp we´re staying at is pretty nice, the apartment where the sr. women are staying is brand new and so the nicest spot on camp. our balcony has an amazing view of the mountains and at night you can see all the lights of san jose. we have huge picture windows so in the morning we just open them and sit and enjoy the cool of the morning. unfortunatly a beautiful green bird kamakazeed into our window this morning and thus lost it´s life... bummer.

we went to a volcano yesterday! it was rad, pretty cloudy, so we didn´t see tons, but way cool anyway. our students also played mud soccer. wow. one of the coolest things ever! haha.

you can be praying for the students as they work through the debriefing process that they can come home ready for the challenges that comes along with it.

kids...

i wish i had a picture to add, but i havn´t put them on the flash drive to bring over yet. yesterday we spent a good part of our day hanging out with kids at an Orphanage. it was a pretty nice facility, but you still have to hurt when you think about what these kids have been through. the facility held a lot of kids, all running around from infants to 17 year olds. some of our students were really struck by these kids. as it would turn out, a few of the girls are girls that we had played against in soccer last week. one of the girls in particular had really connected with some of our students and it was fun to see that relationship continue. a lot of these kids just wanted to be huged or wrestled, or just looked at. they were enamered by our cameras and wanted to take pictures of everyone and everything and then look at themselves and laugh. dispite the language barrier, our students loved on these kids so well. some of the guys played soccer or basketball with the older guys and some girls braided hair and played duck duck goose.
overall it was a very impacting day and i´m excited to see how God is going to use it in the lives of our students.

ice cream.

Our team is pretty rockin awesome. its fun to watch them grow and learn. Each time a student shares their faith, i can see in their eyes the excitment about being used by God. Also, they are great at soccer! our guys kicked some serious butt last night. i think the final score was 17-8. it is of course 5 on 5 footsol so its played indoor and the ball is a little smaller, but it really is fun to watch.
oh and ps. ice cream here is amazing.

wooty woot.

before i post my reflections from the other night, we sang DAYS OF ELIJAH today in church!!!! of course it was in spanish, but i was busting it out in english! it made me miss home, but at the same time gave me a cool perspective of worhsip and blievers all in one accord lifting the name of the Lord all over the world.

Be sure and check out my facebook pics, i´m adding more all the time!

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2019933&l=af10d&id=163800297

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2019672&l=296c0&id=163800297

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2019672&l=296c0&id=163800297

thoughts:

“And I’ll stand, with arms high and heart abandoned, in awe of the one who gave it all, and I stand, my soul Lord to you surrendered, all I am is yours”

Tonight I think about different worship songs and about the time I was told by a good friend of mine, “Don’t sing in worship services along with the songs if you truly cannot say them to God.” Some worship songs are easy for me to sing; easy to throw up my hands and truly mean that God is amazing and huge and creator. I can even sing to my own sin, and stupidity and need for my savior. But this song tonight slapped me. The biggest impact is that there is none of me in this, it is total abandon and surrender, this simple little line calls me to a way of living that goes outside of the 20 minute worship service. It calls me be completely selfless and completely physically, mentally and spiritually dependant upon God. “All I am is yours” doesn’t mean everything except one, two and three. No, it is EVERYTHING! What about those things that are hard for me to give up? Everything. What about those things which hurt too bad to even think about? Everything. What about those things that I don’t even admit I hold on to? Everything. What about the good things? Everything. What about my family, friends, job, school, money….life? Everything. Wholly surrendered. We talked a lot of theology today, we talked about a loving God allowing pain, we talked about a loving God allowing damnation, and we talked about our own fallibility when it comes to interpretation of scripture, but even in the midst of all of those conversations we have to come back to an understanding of our core theology. What is the core? Christ died, buried, and rose again and calls us to die to self. God calls us to something that he knows is beyond us. The concept of total dependence is lost on us once we hit the age of two and everything that needs to be done can be done by “mine self”. Before that it is truly dependence. But have you ever noticed how a baby can much more openly say when they need something than adults can some times? A baby is hungry it cries, poopy, cries. Sometimes I think that we need to learn this simple expressing of turning to the one we are dependent upon to meet our needs. Wouldn’t it be funny to watch a 6 month old baby trying everything it could with a determined look on its face to change its own diaper because the way he can do it is probably better than the parent? That’s just ridiculous! No child can provide for their own needs…. We cannot provide for our own needs. I’m sure to God, he sees us trying to change our own diapers, saying to us, let me help you! But our ever determination only gets stronger the harder we fail. Total abandon. Utter surrender. All I am is yours.

Even Spiders need Jesus...

Excitement happened a few nights ago when a large taranchula decided to join our team for a bit. one of the students was kind enough to give him a lil Jesus.

Costa Rica is still blowing me away at every turn. I spent a lot of time during training camp stuck on the Genesis 22 passage where ¨on the mounain of the Lord it will be provided¨ is declared boldly. i´ve since come back to that several times. in fact, sitting here, up in the mountains, i´m inclined to speak it for myself and wait patiently for the Lord to provide. my big question is what is he providing for me that i need right now? i know i will look back on this summer knowing exactly what it is that the Lord had provided, and i know that it will have been exactly what i needed, but i wait expectantly now knowing that it is coming.

i decided to stay back today as our team headed into another village, i am working on re-organizing my pack and getting some thoughts together. while i am a little bummed to not be with them, i am excited for a little alone time, it is few and far between here. but tomorrow we get to go to San Jose, a bigger city where we finally get to do some shopping! haha i love it.

holler.

...wow

so much happens here every day, so rather than trying to write it all, i´ll just tell a few cool things i personally experienced in the last 24 hours. yesterday we went on a 2.5 hour prayer walk around the city of Cachi, its really not that big, but we went the REALLY long way. i ended up walking with a Tico (what costa ricans call themselves) named Nimrod. after telling him i have my degree in youth ministry, he was sharing with me his own struggles in ministry. he´s 21 and is basically running a youth ministry for 10-13 year old boys with a small staff of 15-21 year olds. he doesn´t feel equipt to do it and had several concerns. we talked for a long time about how to practically love on the boys and how to build into their lives and also the importants of his own personal continual growth. what a huge encouragement and blessing to hear that some of the struggles i have are aslo felt way down here.
we also had the chance as sr. staff to sneak away today for this great lunch at this little place off the main street a few miles up the road. the pastor picked us up and recomended a dish. wow. is really all i can say, it was SO good. and to drink we had this fruit juice that was to die for! the chicken was cooked over an open flame on coffee wood. it was truly amazing. it was also fun to be in a car for once :)
check out a few pics i put up on facebook!
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2019672&l=296c0&id=163800297
pray that our team doesn´t get sick!

Cachi.

it´s official. I now have 25 countries under my belt! woohoo. alright so here we are, Cachi, Costa Rica. wow. i can´t really tell you how amazing this whole thing really is. we havn´t done a ton of meandering around yet, but the exploring we have done has been phenominal. this morning, while our students spent some time at a public school doing some work projects and their gospel presentation, Bryana and hiked up through the streets and up into the mountains a little bit. nothing huge but i tell you what, the Glory of the LORD is here! the land is amazingly beautiful and on the side of every mountain is terraced with coffee and bananas growing like crazy. Yesterday was our first official day of ministry down here, what an amazing adventure, we had to hike accross a suspension bridge which was about 150yds over a river... not gonna lie, pretty scary, especially since it was raining and the bridge was a bit wet. the students have done an outstanding job of stepping out and sharing the Love of Jesus Christ with people, dispite the language barrier. it is beautiful to watch the students realize that their love for each other, and for the people of Costa Rica will transcend language barriers.

We also have lots of dogs. and i mean lots of them. it´s kind of sad to see some of them because they´re gross. but some of them are so stinkin cute! we have one, his name is Paco. he chills with our team and follows us around. this morning while the students were getting up i walked up the street to the phone and Paco kept me company.

well, i would have to say once again that rest is really the biggest prayer request. sleep is a precious thing, pray that the hours we sleep are enough to push us through, and if they´re not, that God would provide for the endurance we need. Also pray for safety, some of our students are pretty hard core at soccer and lets just say the ¨sticks¨drama also gets a little dangerous when the students get too into it and beat eachother in the face.

thanks for your prayers!!!

to costa we go

So, today is Monday June 30th, which means we leave today for the airport and we fly out at roughly 6am tomorrow. due to some last minute not working out details, i have to drive my car back toward chicago and mark told me it would be cool if i just drove home and then had my family can take me to the airport in the middle of the night. so, this is what i'm doing. i will be leaving tonight at around 6pm, drive back to cp, getting in around 9:30 and then Bry and Bethany will drive me to o'hare around 1am. so i will be home long enough to grab some ice cream, take a shower and say hi to my family before heading to the airport, checking in at 3am, boarding the plane and gettin on down to dallas for our lay over and on to costa rica.
you can be specifically praying for us as we are going to be sleeping (kind of) in the airport terminal so we can get checked in and all that fun stuff. pray that things will go smoothly and that we won't run into any problems in the airport.
i get a little stressed sometimes when i go into task mode, so pray that i can still be relationally sensitive even in the midst of probably being frusterated and maybe even a little bit angry.
Thanks guys! LOVE YOU! next blog, Costa Rica.
Peace.

John 3 is good

John 3:1-21
2 verses really jumped out at me while studying this passage. v.15 and v. 21. each for completely different reasons, so i figured i'd make it a double today.
v.15 says this, " ...that everyone who believes in him may have eternal life." and the foot note says "Or believes may have eternal life in him." Eternal life...in him. what is your imediate thought when you hear eternal life? heaven right? like future, post death, after you kick the bucket, however you want to look at it, we normally don't see eternal life as something that we are in the midst of, but it SO IS! hmm. what does that mean? what does that look like? in my mind it looks like living life with what i like to call a "Kingdom" perspective. Living life with the beauty of the Kingdom of God on the front of our minds. Kingdom of God, much like Eternal life in my mind's eye is not only something that is for future! how can we live eternal life now? if i had that question figured out i'd probably be making more money than i do right now. but i think simply living for nothing other than Jesus. the problem is that as easy as it is to type it, living on that, against years of selfish habits and patterns is really stinkin hard. i guess that's why it MUST be done in the power of the Holy Spirit right? I truly believe that God wants us to grow in Him and if we ask for the tools to do that, i know He will not withhold that from us. so ask him. what does eternal life RIGHT NOW look like?
the second one was v 21 ""But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what he has done has been done through God." So often we still want to live in the dark don't we? we have secrets we never tell people, we have things that deep down we are too afraid to share becuase of what we think other people will say, think, or even do. have you ever been in a conversation where someone really opens up and shares some struggles and is just completely honest? bringing things to the light that they may not have shared before with anyone? its quite profound, almost always, you're judgment of the person doesn't change, dispite the secret. in fact often we respect that person even more for sharing what they are struggling with for talking about it. i'm not saying to go spew your guts to anyone who says "hi how are you today?" but i am saying that we were built for community, we were built to live life together and i think, no i know, that we MUST have people in our lives where we get things into the light. leaving things quiet often lead to satan using them to kill you slowly from the inside out! by sitting on sins, hurts, anxieties, and other things, we just let them stew and fester until we finally cannot stand it any more, wouldn't it be so much better to just say it out loud when it happens? when the thought first enters your head, to identify it and bring it to light? where there is light, even a little bit, there can be no darkness. by living in truth, claiming it, living it, we allow God to be the center, the one who works in us. our openess, not fakeness, is what people would see and admire. then maybe people will quit thinking that Christians are perfect. but see us as we are, fallen human beings doing our best to follow the guidelines that God set up for our own good and for His own Glory.

rain rain go away....

It started raining last night around 9:30pm and it didn't stop until around 10:30 this morning. it is also forcasted that it is potentially going to be storming more today. we did not evacuate because it was just heavy rain and not any sort of dangerous weather. pretty much all of our tents are at least wet. after last summer's 3 flood outs this one brings back that twitch i just finally got rid of. i slept in sperts of 15-30 minutes last night, every time the rain, wind, lightning and thunder would pick up i would lay on my cot and pray that God would just cover our camp with his hand and not allow the weather to get severe. Severe weather means evacuation of a few hundred students, staff, and families up to a smallish rec center that is about 500 yards from where our camp is set up. the middle of the night while it is pouring is the worst time for that.

other than that things are going pretty well around here. our team seems to be shaping up nicely and for the most part really loves eachother and what we're doing here. i can't believe we leave so soon for Costa Rica!

heaven or what?

Each day down here at training camp... especially student week... is like a week and a half. except you still feel like you've only had 6.5 hours of sleep... which is mostly true. I was talking to april this morning and she informed me that it was two days till thursday, i could have sworn it was already wednesday. man alive. oh wel, i guess i'll keep on rollin. i'm normally a 8-9 hours of sleep kind of girl so the switch to between 5-7 has needed some adjusting time, i don't know that i've done that super well. luckily, i'm not the only tired sr. staff, so we all try to sneak away occasionally and get a few zzz's. Our students are all getting the full 8 hours (lucky). so you can be praying for my rest.... also my health in general. i'm feeling alright for the most part, but boy itsd difficult out here some moments.
i just finished reading an article on foxnews about how religious americans believe that their religion is probably not the only way to heaven. ?WHAT? here's a few quotes, "America remains a nation of believers, but a new survey finds most Americans don't feel their religion is the only way to eternal life — even if their faith tradition teaches otherwise.The findings, revealed Monday in a survey of 35,000 adults, can either be taken as a positive sign of growing religious tolerance, or disturbing evidence that Americans dismiss or don't know fundamental teachings of their own faiths." ... "The survey shows religion in America is, indeed, 3,000 miles wide and only three inches deep," said D. Michael Lindsay, a Rice University sociologist of religion." ... "Nearly across the board, the majority of religious Americans believe many religions can lead to eternal life: mainline Protestants (83 percent), members of historic black Protestant churches (59 percent), Roman Catholics (79 percent), Jews (82 percent) and Muslims (56 percent)."
These quotes absolutly floor me. they even make me sick to my stomach. here's the article if you want to read it. http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,370588,00.html . its stories like this one that make me overwhelmingly aware that it is not only about sharing my faith, but about truly making disciples who fully understand and grasp the Word of God and it's teachings.

4:30am

our team decided to talk after the song tonight.... bummer. that not only means early morning for them, but one more night of REALLY limited sleep. starting to really drag.

If i could just sit with you a while....

John 2:13-16
When it was almost time for the Jewish Passover, Jesus went up to Jerusalem. In the temple courts he found men selling cattle, sheep and doves, and others sitting at tables exchanging money. So he made a whip out of cords, and drove all from the temple area, both sheep and cattle; he scattered the coins of the money changers and overturned their tables. To those who sold doves he said, "Get these out of here! How dare you turn my Father's house into a market!"

its funny... or not funny i suppose, that when we think of Jesus clearing the temple, angry that the people had made the house of God something other than what it was, we think to ourselves "man that's terrible that people would be selling animals in the Temple!" Then i think of the attitudes that we bring into our faith (not just the church) which are not glorifying to God. Long and the short of it is that the selling of animals was basically greed and selfishness, how often does our greed and selfishness get the better of us in the church? OFTEN! how often in my faith am i motivated by self? OFTEN! we tend to forget so quick what it is all about. its all about Jesus. if we were to take 5 honest minutes looking at ourselves, we don't have it all together we don't 'get it'. we are broken, wounded, fragile, and we have a loving God who has the ability to take all of that and make us whole. with this perspective, it is almost impossible to have self as the focus. looking at my heart i can almost hear Jesus telling me from time to time, "Get these attitudes out of here! How dare you turn my dwelling into something that does not bring my Father glory!" rather than allowing this to be a condemnation, i accept the Grace God offers and thank him for the push back to the important, back to his throne.

"If i could just sit with You a while, if you could just hold me
Nothing could touch me though i'm wounded, though i die
If i could just sit with You a while, i need you to hold me
Moment by moment, 'till forever passes by"
-Mercy Me

pictures!

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2019201&l=f7ea5&id=163800297

STUDENTS ARE HERE!!

TC is totally buzzing with tons of people buzzing around this place. i cannot explain the energy and excitement. i did the moring airport runs. we left for the airport at five am and i had the awesome responsibility to get about 25 high school students from their terminal to a shuttle that took them to the church. all flights were in on time or early! praise God! Weather hasn't been bad. mostly hot and clear with warm evenings. luckily i had my tea...

pray as the students are here.

here it comes... ready or not.

This is steph and trav's daughter. she is currently my favorite baby in the world. we had our egg breakfast for our staff and i think i gorged myself on eggs, ham, potatoes and onion until i just about burst. deffinetly not typical for a royal servants team. but yummy none the less. we've been playing some frisbee with our group and tonight we have our comissioning for them and we head to chicago tomorrow to begin picking up the students(!!! AHHHHH) so i don't know if i'm quite ready because i'm really enjoying our staff at the momet. things are a bit laid back today and i'm hoping to get some last minute phone calls to friends and family before life gets REALLY crazy. you can be praying for me, i really miss home and friends this summer like i never have before. i mean, don't get me wrong it is AMAZING to be here and i have made some outstanding friends here on the hay field, but there's something about this summer that has me missing home more. on a happy note. my sr. staff cracks me up so hard and yet challenges me all at the same time. we have such a good mix of personalities that we really work well together and are a very cohesive team.

OH the joy...

so the day is wrapping up, i have to be up in less than 7 hours to do it all over again. so i should probably be in my tent by now, but oh well. i'm in the office and this mondo roach just scurried from under my computer almost touching my hands... ew. drove into canton today to get some stuff for our staff's comissioning service and we stopped by good will... i found a really great little girl's "high school musical" sweat shirt that is most deffinetly too short in the sleeves. love it. the other sr. staff here are so amazing that i can't really tell you. we have a lot of fun together, including jamming out to MMbop. (thanks Bryana!) and enjoying Mark's ninja skills.
wow.
i need sleep.

thoughts on John 20:16

this is two days ago's thoughts.....

{Jesus said to her, "Mary." She turned toward him and cried out in Aramaic, "Rabboni!" (which means Teacher).}
Rabboni. This morning in one of the teachings, John chapter 20 was read, verse 16 just flew off the page at me when Mary realizes who Jesus is and responds "Rabboni". what does that mean? why that word? Jesus had just been crucified and Mary expects to find his decaying body in the tomb and is horrified when it is not there. She beggs a man who she assumes is a gardener to give back the body of Christ. Once he says her name... Mary, she knows it is him and the first and only word she could proclaim was Rabboni.
We hear the word "Rabbi" several times in the new testament and at that point is was a fairly new term. The word has 3 basic forms and 3 basic levels of importance. First is "Rab" which was "Master" these are men who in rabbinic schools had been comissioned. it was the lowest of the titles. Second is Rabbi, which was "My Master". These men were comissioned by the Sanhedrin and were given a key and a scroll, the key they wore as mark of distinction and they not only had disciples but their disciples were prepared to raise up disciples of their own. Third and utmost importance is "Rabbon" which is "Great Master" or "Rabboni" Which is "My Great Master". This term is pronounced (Rahbonee) and is a title bestowed upon a Rabbi who had seen two generations of disciples. Their names were always added to the title so that they would not be forgotten.
This history excites me and gives me such a cool insight into why Mary said this. She saw Jesus as above any of the Rabbis in the assembly, raised from the dead. This moment she reaized that Jesus Christ was no longer in the grave, but now living, breathing, walking, talking and standing right behind her. In a moment of clarity "Rabboni" was really the only thing that she could say, and was quite possibly the highest spiritual appointment she could think of.
I think when i see Christ, what is my first reaction? "oh hey God" or "cool there's Jesus"... but what about "RABBONI!" Jesus Christ! one above all who have any spiritual influence and knowledge. Aknowledging Jesus as THE one.

First of all.

Here i am. i'm going to try out this blog thing. I like to write about a lot of random things, like the fact that a mole scurried accross Bryana's foot yesterday and i had to carry her back to her chair because she was convinced she had both fleas and the black plague of death. but i also like to write about what the stink is goin on in my head.... like how Mary's response to her first Christ encounter post Calvary was "RABBONI!". .....so here it comes. Costa Rica '08.
may God be glorified here.