In the Name of Jesus

So I'm re-reading this book by Henri Nouwen which was hugely impactful in my understanding of Christian Leadership back when I was taking my first steps into the role.
I recently found a study guide by a man named Troy Cady (I have no clue who that is, but he writes killer study guides!) and I'm thinking about how I can use this book along with this study guide as I disciple and mentor the next generation of Christian leaders. But of course I need to go through the study guide myself in order to see if its something worth using (so far so good) and wouldn't it beat all, I'm once again being challenged by this book as if I'm reading it for the first time (although my copy is quite marred).
In one of the first chapters of the book, Nouwen talks about the temptation to be relevant. He went from a big time professor, author and priest, to work for a home for disabled people. All of his skills and acclaim he had amassed meant little if anything to the people he was called to minister to. He was so used to being able to ride on his accomplishments that he was "suddenly faced with my naked self, open for affirmations and rejections, hugs and punches, smiles and tears, all dependent simply on how i was perceived in the moment." He goes on to explain, "I am deeply convinced that the Christian leader of the future is called to be completely irrelevant and to stand in this world with nothing to offer but his or her own vulnerable self."
I am so challenged by this. How often do I find my identity in what I can do or have done or in what God has done in and through me in the past. Its easy to hide that way. In Christian leadership, the external may not change much we have mastered the art of making our facade of relevance look an awful lot like authenticity. But when we're riding on that, we cannot last long. My thoughts the other day were this, "Relevance is a facade. When we hide behind it we don't have to show people that we too are human and have struggles and temptations and hurts and vulnerabilities. if we avoid being relevant, we are honest about who we are because there's no cultural stigma of perfection that weighs down on us. We don't need to hide behind our past successes or accomplishments, I want my love of Christ to be what shows first!"
I don't want to worry about LOOKING like God is doing something in and through me and flaunting all the ways he has in the past, I want to worry about if he actually is..... right now.