Saturday, October 6, 2012

More thoughts on discipline...

I know in January I left a VERY open ended post as I wrestled with the idea of discipline. I had some thoughts then, but many of those got put on the back burner when other areas in my life were in need of some "pruning" from the Father.
Funny that this season's learning curve started with some of the same thoughts I had in January. Discipline. How to attain it. I've tried to be a more disciplined person, in all areas of life but it seems that in a few of them (waking up in the morning, healthy eating, consistency in the Word) I really struggle! Then, through a completely separate conversation I had a "duh Laura" realization. Discipline (self control) is a Fruit of the Spirit. I realized that this idea I had been trying to attain was something I cannot "attain" in and of itself. So how do I live in the Spirit (as Galatians 5 talks about) in such a way that would result in discipline in my life? THAT seemingly simple question has challenged me to the core and as birthed only more questions about what it is that keeps me from living a life of total surrender. What keeps me from FULLY trusting the Lord?
There are lots of answers to that question, almost all of the coming back to a humanly skewed understanding of God. So I've asked "God, teach me to walk fully in you so that I disappear and your glory is all that is seen." Honestly, terrifying prayer, because deep down we WANT to cling to our flesh, we WANT the glory for ourselves. So now God is teaching me. I've had some tough days with Him as things in life shift and he causes me to choose even greater dependence on Him. Growth is not normally comfortable, this is no exception. But I know that the other side of this is a better understanding of God, a deeper dependence on the grace of Christ and a path walked MORE in the Spirit than ever before.
So, thanks Jesus, for being greater than I am. For having a higher wisdom and understanding, for putting me through things that are uncomfortable and sometimes painful knowing that the result is faith, surrender, peace and ultimately a closer walk with you. Amen.

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