wooty woot.

before i post my reflections from the other night, we sang DAYS OF ELIJAH today in church!!!! of course it was in spanish, but i was busting it out in english! it made me miss home, but at the same time gave me a cool perspective of worhsip and blievers all in one accord lifting the name of the Lord all over the world.

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thoughts:

“And I’ll stand, with arms high and heart abandoned, in awe of the one who gave it all, and I stand, my soul Lord to you surrendered, all I am is yours”

Tonight I think about different worship songs and about the time I was told by a good friend of mine, “Don’t sing in worship services along with the songs if you truly cannot say them to God.” Some worship songs are easy for me to sing; easy to throw up my hands and truly mean that God is amazing and huge and creator. I can even sing to my own sin, and stupidity and need for my savior. But this song tonight slapped me. The biggest impact is that there is none of me in this, it is total abandon and surrender, this simple little line calls me to a way of living that goes outside of the 20 minute worship service. It calls me be completely selfless and completely physically, mentally and spiritually dependant upon God. “All I am is yours” doesn’t mean everything except one, two and three. No, it is EVERYTHING! What about those things that are hard for me to give up? Everything. What about those things which hurt too bad to even think about? Everything. What about those things that I don’t even admit I hold on to? Everything. What about the good things? Everything. What about my family, friends, job, school, money….life? Everything. Wholly surrendered. We talked a lot of theology today, we talked about a loving God allowing pain, we talked about a loving God allowing damnation, and we talked about our own fallibility when it comes to interpretation of scripture, but even in the midst of all of those conversations we have to come back to an understanding of our core theology. What is the core? Christ died, buried, and rose again and calls us to die to self. God calls us to something that he knows is beyond us. The concept of total dependence is lost on us once we hit the age of two and everything that needs to be done can be done by “mine self”. Before that it is truly dependence. But have you ever noticed how a baby can much more openly say when they need something than adults can some times? A baby is hungry it cries, poopy, cries. Sometimes I think that we need to learn this simple expressing of turning to the one we are dependent upon to meet our needs. Wouldn’t it be funny to watch a 6 month old baby trying everything it could with a determined look on its face to change its own diaper because the way he can do it is probably better than the parent? That’s just ridiculous! No child can provide for their own needs…. We cannot provide for our own needs. I’m sure to God, he sees us trying to change our own diapers, saying to us, let me help you! But our ever determination only gets stronger the harder we fail. Total abandon. Utter surrender. All I am is yours.